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February 3, 2010
Shelmi Liang
These are tough times to be a horror fan. The Saw series and the entire genre works hard to suppress the knowledge that watching a horror movie can be an enjoyable experience. Throw in a couple of nifty creature effects and an overqualified supporting cast, including Dennis Quaid and Tyrese Gibson, willing to be knocked off at any time, and you’ve got a B-movie that’s almost as much fun to laugh with as it is to laugh at. Note: I did say almost.
It seems that God is just a wee bit temperamental and has gotten tired of human bullshit, so it is extermination time. Too bad for him that Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) somehow knows better than the being who brought about all creation. Michael has torn off his wings and stolen a bunch of guns in order to protect some random unborn child who will supposedly save mankind (how exactly this will happen is never explained in the slightest). When Legion tries to take these kinds of things too seriously, it falters, but mostly it embraces the inner cheese.
At a small desert diner called Paradise Falls (which is a pun, get it? “Falls” is a verb as well as a noun!), the final fight begins. An unshaven, alcoholic Bob (Quaid) and his merry staff of losers, plus Michael, against masses of God-possessed zombies, clouds of flies, and angels in armor.
We have seen many variations on this plot before, most of them superior, such as The Prophecy and Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight. But if you have already seen those and could stand another modification, Legion is reasonable entertainment. Nobody in the audience cares whether or not Jeep (Lucas Black) wants to be a responsible daddy to his girlfriend’s illegitimate child, so those parts are a snooze, but Tyrese’s Kyle Williams hood rat is hilarious, as is a Satanic granny played by Jeanette Miller who eats raw meat and climbs walls.
Credit is due to the cast and crew for playing it straight and even attempting a few moments of honest-to-God character development between all of the gunfire and growly vocal calls. The results are foolishly entertaining, for the precious few minutes that Legion remains in your short-term memory anyway. Any movie can rip off The Exorcist; this one steals from The Exorcist III. Brothers and sisters, there is a difference.
Yes, the angels dress like Ben Affleck in Dogma, which is not a good sign. And it does seem ridiculous that they have bulletproof wings, yet are vulnerable to old-fashioned techniques such as a wrestling sleeper-hold. But if you wanted logic, you should have taken one look at the movie poster of an angel holding a machine gun and walked the other way. Needless to say, if you take your scripture seriously, you also might want to avoid this one.
It is good to see Charles Dutton on the big screen again, especially sporting a metal claw for a hand. Special praise goes out to Kevin Durand – the Blob in X-Men Origins: Wolverine – for his good English accent and teary earnest face as Michael’s former partner in heaven, Gabriel. Director Scott Stewart, a former special-effects man, has not made a film for the ages, but he has made a decent piece of mindless entertainment.
Verdict: C+
